Problem
by The Vicious One
Summary: R for Suggestive and Gross Dialouge and a bunch of ripoffs. Will it happen soon? Will Vicious write a lemon?! Eh, it's bound to happen...~__^


Problem  
  
Disclaimer: (O).(O) Why do they ask me?!  
  
  
Previously...on the last episode...  
  
Mewtwo: Oh no...THE NIDOKING!!!  
Lugia: (Screen changes to football field) Those corn-muffins sucked!  
Celebi: PAINT MY FENCE!  
Lugia: MAKE ME!  
  
They get into a fist fight.  
  
Mewtwo: (Screen changes to Cycling Road, Mewtwo is in the Mach 5) Oh no!   
The evil driver is after me again, and I don't wanna lose this race! OH!  
  
Insert random shot from Speed Racer.  
  
Eneti: (screen changes to Ilex Forest) NOOOOOOO!!! RAIKOU!!!  
Raikou: I'm not dead!  
  
And now, Part 2...of...uh, this show...or something.  
  
Mewtwo and Lugia titles and theme, ala ER opening.  
  
(Mewtwo still) Starring Mewtwo  
  
(Lugia still) Lugia  
  
Eneti runs across the screen.  
  
(Eneti still) Eneti  
  
(Suicune still) Suicune  
  
(Raikou still) Raikou  
  
Mew walks slowly around Goldenrod.  
  
(Mew still) Mew  
  
Celebi is standing behind the Shrine of Ilex Forest, and performs Dynamic Punch.  
  
(Celebi still) And Celebi  
  
Created by Vicious Mewtwo  
  
Mewtwo and Lugia  
  
Tonight's epsiode...Problem...  
  
Pan into Unknown Dungeon. As usual, Mewtwo is watching TV.  
  
Mewtwo: (Laughs) What a damn idiot!  
Lugia: Wha'zat?  
Mewtwo: This dude on Weakest Link just got voted off.  
Lugia: So?  
Mewtwo: It's funny how Anne says "Goodbye" like that.  
Lugia: What, like this? (Sounding just like Anne!) Goodbye!  
Mewtwo: Good one, Lugia!  
  
They hi-five.  
  
Suicune busts in.  
  
Suicune: Hey, Lugia. Smell my paw.  
Lugia: (Smells it) What's that?  
Suicune: That means your becoming a manly pokémon, dude!  
Lugia: I know!  
  
He flies off and goes to see Articuno.  
  
Lugia: Hey, Arty! Smell my wing.  
Articuno: (Smells it) Oh, my God! What the hell is that!?  
Lugia: Hee hee, my behind!  
Moltres: Man, get outta here!  
Zapdos: Hey, this ain't scary movie, so cut the crap!  
Lugia: But I really did!  
  
They all stare at him.  
  
Lugia: What, I had an itch. Oh, Arty, when Mom says I wear this, (flashes Golden   
Badge) it means you're supposed to treat me like a rare pokémon.  
Articuno: And she said for you not to look up Tenchi Muyo! porn, you pervert!  
  
Lugia flies off ashamed.  
  
Zapdos: Who does he think is, Doofy?  
Moltres: No, he's being a complete jackass today.  
  
Lugia comes home, and slams the door.  
  
Mewtwo: Dammit! For the last time, stop slamming the damn door!  
Lugia: I think my friends hate me, Mewtwo.  
Mewtwo: Why?  
Lugia: They think I'm a jackass.  
Mewtwo: Well, that's YOUR problem. You've been a jackass since you was born.  
Lugia: I was?  
Mewtwo: Yeah, I got the tape to prove it.  
  
He puts it in, and it shows the time Nurse Joy and Mewtwo were bein' naughty.   
(Hentai Falcon, please don't hurt me! I'm just trying to make people laugh!)  
  
Mewtwo: OH, GOD! (Stops THAT tape, and puts the other on in.  
  
Celebi: Behold, I found a new egg!  
Mewtwo: Wow...um, what is it?  
Celebi: It's silver, it must be rare...hey...it's hatching!  
  
The egg hatches and Lugia is born.  
  
Mew: Aw, he's so cute!  
Celebi: I'm glad I found a blessing like this.  
Lugia: I like to lick yogurt from my bellybutton!  
Celebi: Oh, dear...  
  
Mewtwo stops the tape.  
  
Lugia: That's what I'm like?!  
Mewtwo: No, here's you that night we got drunk.  
  
He fast forwards it.  
  
Lugia: (wearing Marge outfit) Mewtwo, I'm off to market! (BELCH!!!)  
Mewtwo: Lugia, take that stupid thing off.  
  
He falls off the side of the stairs of U.D. with a big thud.  
  
Mewtwo stops it.  
  
Lugia: My God...I'm a big fat disgrace since the day I was born!  
Mewtwo: Yep, you cerntainly have a problem.  
Lugia: Can you help me?  
Mewtwo: Sure.  
  
15 minutes later...  
  
Mewtwo: Why don't you start by telling me about first memories.  
Lugia: I woke up...and then went to the bathroom.  
Mewtwo: Ok.  
Lugia: Only I had to stand far away from the toilet.  
Mewtwo: Ok, now tell me about your boyhood.  
Lugia: I just did!  
Mewtwo: No, not that!  
Lugia: Oh...  
Mewtwo: Tell me about when you was a kid.  
Lugia: Well, when I was a hatchling, Celebi always did stuff involving the   
internet...  
Mewtwo: Hmm...looks like we're gonna time-travel today, buddy-ro!  
Lugia: Ok.  
  
They take the time shed back...inside the time traveling dimensons...  
  
Lugia: (Singing) Letting the days go by, let the water hold me up.  
Mewtwo: What is that!?  
Lugia: My Talking Heads tape.  
Mewtwo: You like that stuff?  
Lugia: Celebi did.  
Mewtwo: Oh, boy...  
  
5 years back...  
  
Lugia: Hey, we're back in...1998!  
Mewtwo: Whoa, freaky!  
  
They go to Ilex forest.  
  
Lugia: Hey, there's Celebi...and there's the egg of me!  
  
They go to see.  
  
Celebi: It's silver, it must be rare.  
  
The egg hatches, and Lugia is born.  
  
Mew: Aww, he's so cute.  
Mewtwo: Deja vu, huh?  
  
Lugia is gone.  
  
Mewtwo: Lugia?  
  
He sees Lugia standing outside.  
  
Lugia: Hi, Lugia! It's me, your big brother...Lugia!  
Celebi: Huh?  
Lugia: Oh, hi, Celebi!  
Celebi: Get outta here, you dumb cluck!  
  
He drop kicks him with a big boot out of Ilex Forest. Mewtwo follows.  
  
Mewtwo: You igit! You screwed up the problem!  
Lugia: But that's the same thing on the tape...  
Mewtwo: (Sigh) Look, I'll go back, and you stay here. DON'T GET LOST!  
Lugia: Ok.  
  
Mewtwo goes to Ilex, and Lugia gets lost. Later...  
  
Mewtwo: Ok, where's Celebi...Aha! He's on that computer.  
Celebi: Ok, submit...and Viola! My 1,728th Fanfiction is complete!  
Mewtwo: So, that's it! He introduced Lugia to Fanfiction! I've got to save that bird!  
  
He goes to the Shrine.  
  
Celebi: Now, Lugia. I'm gonna go in the back and drink some whiskey, don't   
touch my comp., ok?  
Mewtwo: There you are! I've been looking everywhere!  
Celebi: Huh?  
  
Mewtwo is dressed in an awful Lugia like outfit.  
  
Mewtwo: My son hatched?! Thank you, Celebi.  
Celebi: How'd ya know my name?!  
Mewtwo: Come on, Lugia. Let's go home, your mom's worried.  
Lugia 2: My mom?  
  
They go out of Ilex, and Mewtwo sees something he just won't like.  
  
Mewtwo: AW, DAMMIT, LUGIA!  
  
Lugia IS still gone.  
  
Mewtwo: Ok, Lugia. Don't do Fanfiction like that crazy, Mew loving bug. He's   
a complete nut-case.  
Lugia 2: I lick yogurt from my belly-button!  
Mewtwo: Wait, it's not Fanfiction...you're just stupid!  
  
Lugia lands in front on Mewtwo with a Hooters T-Shirt...and some Hooters girls.  
  
Mewtwo: You were at...HOOTERS?!?  
Lugia: Hee hee, I had to have some fun.  
  
Mewtwo took out a big mallet and bashed Lugia in the head with it.  
  
Mewtwo: You, Lugia, are a damn nut-case!  
Lugia: Yep!  
  
They go back in time.  
  
Somewhere in 2002...  
  
Mewtwo: Man, am I glad to be home.  
Lugia: Hey, I'm not as stupid as I was last time, was I?  
Mewtwo: No, you were always stupid. Lugia...you need a lobotomy.  
Lugia: Wha'zat?  
  
After 24 hours of operation...  
  
Nurse Joy: He's fixed, Mewtwo!  
Lugia: There, now I'm cured, and I'm not as stupid as I already was!  
Mewtwo: Thank the lord he's ok!  
  
They start to leave as the sun dips low in the horizon.  
  
Nurse Joy: Mewtwo?  
Mewtwo: Um, yeah?  
Nurse Joy: You know...it IS closing time, and I would like it if you stayed a little   
longer...  
Mewtwo: Wha'cha talkin' 'bout?  
Nurse Joy: ...Wanna frisk me?  
Mewtwo: (Left eyebrow pops up) If ya can't beat...do 'em, I always say!  
  
He shuts the doors for a wild night. Lugia goes just watches through the windows.  
  
Lugia: Well, I've still got my dark-side...(pulls out camcorder) Heh heh heh...  
Celebi: Oh, please! You wanna watch them do it?!  
Lugia: Yowza! Uh, hi, Celebi...  
Celebi: Wanna see some REAL action?  
Lugia: (backs away sickly) Uh...no?  
Celebi: (Laughs) No, not that. I mean like...me...Mew...you know...(rolls eyes)  
Lugia: Ew! Yucky!  
Celebi: Aw, you're just afraid someone's gonna catch ya!  
Lugia: But, that's sick! I can't watch you and Mew...  
Celebi: Then smell my hand.  
Lugia: I know what you've been doin' with THAT hand. (Suddenly, a lightbulb   
appears over Lugia's head) I'll be right back!  
  
He goes into the Center, but Mewtwo and Nurse Joy don't care. He goes to   
the bathroom.  
  
Lugia: Oooo, hey, that feels freaky!  
Celebi: He's becoming a manly pokémon...  
Lugia: Ah, wooo, I like this.  
Celebi: Try hard, Lugia, and you'll a BIG surprise!  
  
Celebi just flies away, as Lugia...well, becomes a man, so to speak.  
  
Pan away from the screen, we now see a band of men in an office.  
  
Rocket Executive: Ok, you see, we've ripped off mostly EVERYTHING in this   
fic, don't you think you'd probably get sued?  
V. Mewtwo: That's exactly why I hate disclaimers.  
James: Well, we've done lots of things, but get this. Picture your name all   
over New Island.  
V. Mewtwo: Keep talking.  
Jessie: You could have your own Billboard at New Island and have Surfers   
sponsor your fanfictions at there tournament. We could to Sea World for that!  
Rocket Executive: (Whispers) Do you really think that would work?  
V. Mewtwo: (Whispers) Let's see. (Normal voice) Ahem! Gentlemen...Surf's up!  
  
They all start disco dancing.  
  
V. Mewtwo: First of all, I don't even why I even wrote this. This must be the   
most perverted thing I've ever writen.  
  
He does the belly dance and James laughs.  
  
END? 


End file.
